CBWL 033

Scene: CBWL Booking Room – Morning of Friday Night Filth

Cowboy Watts and Jim Ross are sitting at the table with the finalized booking sheet in front of them. Cowboy has a fresh cup of coffee and a cigarette going. JR has his reading glasses on, flipping through the printed rundown one last time.

Cowboy Watts: (exhaling smoke) Alright… let’s just walk through it one more time before we hand it off. Make sure we ain’t missing anything stupid.

He taps the paper with his finger.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 1 — Taylor opens in that tight white latex thing with the zippers and “DRIVE ME STERLING” on her ass. She’s supposed to shake it around and mouth that line to the camera. You good with that?

Jim Ross: Yeah. It’s trashy as hell, but it fits. She knows what she’s doing with it. Should get the reaction we want.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 2 — Kristen comes out, does the “boooohooooo” bit, tells Taylor Sterling needs to die and he’s going to The Bad Place. They brawl off, no finish. Good heat.

Jim Ross: That’s solid. Kristen’s been on fire with this stuff lately.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 3 — Mariska comes out, cameras go straight down her chest while she’s all oiled up and sprayed. She makes Taylor vs Kristen official for next week.

JR raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment on the camera direction.

Jim Ross: She knows what she’s walking into. We’ll be fine.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 4 — Emma and Hilary bump into each other backstage. They shoot off their real personalities, back-handed compliments, it turns into a challenge. This is the one we’re using to start turning Hilary, right?

Jim Ross: Yeah. Keep it light but with some edge. We want Emma to come out of it looking like the respectful babyface.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 5 — Mila vs Laura. Mila does the fake-friendly bullshit, then beats the piss out of her and rips her pants off to show the granny panties. Commentators are supposed to go in hard on how nasty that is.

JR nods slowly.

Jim Ross: That one’s gonna be ugly. In a good way. Mila should come out of this looking like a real mean bitch.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 6 — Florence’s promo, then the cheese bit backstage. Keep her sweet and a little ditzy.

Jim Ross: Yeah. We want the audience to like her before she gets jumped later.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 7 — JoJo video. Play it straight, even if half the crowd’s gonna laugh at it.

Jim Ross: It is what it is. Some people will buy the sympathy.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 8 — Main event. Emma vs Hilary. They’re gonna try to have a real technical match but it’s probably gonna be stiff as hell. Emma goes over clean, they hug after. Then they close the show plugging Taylor vs Kristen for next week.

He leans back in his chair and takes another drag.

Cowboy Watts: Anything you wanna change before we lock it?

Jim Ross: (after a moment) Nah. It’s nasty, it’s mean, and it’s got some wrestling in it. That’s about as good as we’re gonna get with this roster right now.

Cowboy nods and stubs out his cigarette.

Cowboy Watts: Alright then. Let’s go hand this off to production. Show’s in a few hours.

Cowboy Watts and Jim Ross are still sitting at the table, the booking sheet now covered in coffee rings and cigarette ash. They’ve just finished their final pass.

Cowboy Watts: (leaning back) Alright. That’s as good as it’s gonna get. Let’s get this thing to production before somebody changes their mind.

Just as he starts gathering the papers, the door opens and Arnold Palmer walks in, already looking mildly stressed.

Arnold Palmer: Morning. Quick question — what time is the ring supposed to be getting here? I got a couple of the boys asking.

Before Cowboy can answer, Larry David pokes his head in from the hallway, holding a cup of coffee and looking annoyed.

Larry David: Hey, has anybody heard from Jack yet? He was supposed to be here by now. I got two other refs asking me what the hell is going on.

Jim Ross: (looking over at Cowboy) Speaking of which… who is bringing the ring today?

Cowboy opens his mouth to answer, then slowly closes it. His expression shifts as something clicks in his head.

He stares at the table for a second, then mutters under his breath:

Cowboy Watts: …Jack’s guy who knew a guy.

Jim Ross turns to look at him.

Jim Ross: What?

Cowboy Watts: (rubbing his face) Jack. Couple days ago in that meeting, he said he knew a guy who knew a guy who could get the ring sorted. I told him to handle it. I didn’t follow up.

Larry David stares at him.

Larry David: You’re telling me the ring is being brought by some random guy Jack knows through another random guy?

Arnold Palmer: (blinking) …So we don’t actually know when it’s getting here?

Cowboy exhales through his nose and leans back in his chair, already looking tired.

Cowboy Watts: Goddamn it, Jack.

He pulls out his phone.

Cowboy Watts: Somebody go find Jack Black before I have to call him and ask what the fuck his guy’s guy is doing.