CBWL 035

Gas South Arena – Duluth, Georgia – Morning

The loading area is getting busier as more people arrive from the hotel and elsewhere. Some of the crew is starting to trickle in, but everything still feels disorganized. There’s still no ring on the floor.

Cowboy Watts is standing near the loading dock, smoking and looking stressed. Jim Ross is next to him, trying to get some answers. Jack Black is also there, looking around like he just woke up.

Jack Black: (casually) Hey, uh… is there any catering set up yet? I’m starving.

Jim Ross: (ignoring him, looking at Arnold Palmer) Any word on the ring?

Arnold Palmer: (holding up his phone) I finally got Tony on the line. He said he’ll be here in about an hour.

Cowboy Watts: (turning around) About fucking time. Where the hell has he been?

Arnold Palmer: Didn’t say much. Just said he was handling something and that he’s on his way. He also said he’s bringing Wendy and Butterbean with him.

Jim Ross: (frowning) Wendy? Why’s he bringing her this early?

Arnold Palmer: I don’t know. He just said they’ll all be here in about an hour.

Cowboy Watts: (rubbing his face) Jesus Christ… this morning’s already a disaster.

He looks out at the mostly empty floor where the ring should already be.

Cowboy Watts: (mutters) We’re supposed to have a show tonight and we don’t even have a fucking ring yet.

The loading area is getting noticeably busier as more people from the power structure start showing up. Some of them actually need to be there. Others clearly don’t.

Cowboy Watts stands near the loading dock with Jim Ross, watching the growing crowd with increasing irritation.

People who should be there:

• Bill Parcells shows up looking half-asleep, coffee in hand, asking about the ring situation.
• Sarah Palin and Joan Rivers arrive together. Sarah’s already on her phone, while Joan is loudly complaining about how disorganized everything looks.
• Larry David is talking with two of the other referees, trying to figure out where they’re supposed to set up.
• A few members of the actual production and ring crew are starting to trickle in, looking confused about the lack of a ring.

People who don’t really need to be there this early:

• Dan Schneider walks in with two young developmental guys following behind him. He’s already on his phone talking loudly.
• Sheri L. Dew and Karin Pouw show up dressed like they’re attending a corporate meeting, looking around with visible disapproval.
• Steve Jobs arrives with an assistant, already making notes on his phone about “branding opportunities” and “social media moments” for the show.
• Dr. Phil strolls in casually, holding a coffee and chatting with one of the crew like he’s just there to hang out.

Cowboy Watts watches all of this with a deepening scowl.

Cowboy Watts: (under his breath) Half these people don’t even need to be here yet… and the ones who do are still missing.

Jim Ross: (quietly) It’s turning into a goddamn circus already.

Joan Rivers: (walking up) Where the hell is the ring? We can’t run a show with no ring, Cowboy.

Cowboy Watts: (gritting his teeth) I know, Joan. Believe me, I fucking know.

He takes a long drag off his cigarette and stares out at the growing crowd of people who are either in the way or asking questions he doesn’t have answers to yet.

Cowboy Watts: (mutters) This is gonna be a long fucking day…

Scene: Gas South Arena – Loading Dock – Morning

The black SUV pulls up near the loading dock. Tony Soprano is driving, Wendy Williams is in the passenger seat, and Butterbean is in the back — still wearing his old-school boxing gear and bright red gloves.

They get out of the truck. Butterbean grabs his bag and follows behind them as they walk toward the group.

Cowboy Watts, Jim Ross, and a few others are standing nearby. Cowboy spots them first and immediately clocks Butterbean’s outfit.

Cowboy Watts: (frowning) The fuck are you dressed like that for?

Butterbean: (shrugging, casual) Long morning.

Tony doesn’t say anything about it. He just walks up with Wendy beside him.

Wendy Williams: (trying to sound composed) Hi… I’m Wendy. Wendy Williams. I’m supposed to be doing the backstage interviews tonight.

Jim Ross: (looking at her face) Jesus… what happened to you? You got a black eye and a bruise the size of a golf ball on your cheek.

Wendy instinctively touches her face but doesn’t answer right away. Tony steps in before she can.

Tony Soprano: (flat, defensive) There was a problem earlier. I dealt with it.

The way he says it is casual, but there’s weight behind it. Cowboy looks at Tony for a second, then at Wendy’s bruised face. He doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. He just gives a small, knowing nod — like he already understands exactly what kind of “problem” Tony had to deal with.

Cowboy Watts: (quietly, to Tony) As long as it’s handled.

Tony nods once. Cowboy doesn’t push it any further.

Jim Ross: (still looking at Wendy, concerned) You sure you’re alright to work tonight?

Wendy Williams: (forcing a small smile) Yeah… I’ll be fine. Just had a rough morning.

Tony stands next to her, quiet but present, like he’s making sure she doesn’t say anything else.

Cowboy Watts: (to the group) Alright. Tony’s here. Let’s try to get this shitshow moving before it gets any worse.

He glances at Butterbean one more time, still in his gear.

Cowboy Watts: (mutters) And somebody get him out of that fucking outfit…

Scene: Wendy’s – Across the street from Gas South Arena – Lunchtime

The group sits in a corner booth at the Wendy’s across from the arena. It’s not exactly a strategic war room, but it’s quiet enough to think for five minutes. Cowboy Watts, Jim Ross, Tony Soprano, Sarah Palin, Joan Rivers, and Bill Parcells are all crammed into the booth and surrounding tables. The energy is tense and exhausted.

Nobody’s really eating much. Most of them are just picking at their food or staring at their phones.

Jim Ross is the first to speak, keeping his voice low.

Jim Ross: Alright. Let’s just get this out on the table. This morning has been a disaster. We still don’t have a ring. Half the crew showed up late or not at all. And now we got Wendy walking around with a black eye the size of Texas. Somebody wanna tell me what the hell is going on?

All eyes slowly turn to Cowboy Watts. He’s sitting at the head of the table, staring down at his untouched burger like it personally offended him.

Cowboy Watts: (after a moment) Tony said there was a problem earlier. He said he handled it.

Tony Soprano: (defensive, but calm) I did handle it. It’s not gonna affect the show.

Joan Rivers: (raising an eyebrow) She’s got a golf ball sticking out the side of her face, Tony. That’s gonna affect something.

Sarah Palin: (leaning forward) Look, I don’t care what happened between you and her. But if this turns into some kind of scandal or she can’t do her job tonight, that’s on all of us. We already look like a fucking mess.

Bill Parcells: (gruff) We need to get the ring situation sorted first. Everything else is secondary. We can’t run a show with no ring.

Jim Ross: (looking at Cowboy) You got any ideas on that? Jack’s useless right now. Tony’s been MIA all morning. We’re running out of time.

Everyone goes quiet again, waiting for Cowboy to speak. The pressure in the booth is thick. They’re all looking at him like he’s supposed to have the answers, even though nobody really does.

Cowboy Watts: (finally speaking, voice low) I don’t have a magic fix. We’re gonna have to make some ugly calls and get that ring here however we can. As for Wendy… she’s here, she’s working. That’s all I care about right now.

He looks around the table at everyone.

Cowboy Watts: We got a show in a few hours. I don’t care how fucked up this morning’s been. We either pull it together or we go out there and embarrass ourselves in front of five thousand people. Your choice.

He picks up his burger and takes a bite, signaling that the conversation is over for now.

The table stays quiet. Everyone is still on edge, but at least they have some direction.

The group is still sitting in the corner booth. The mood is tense and tired. Most of them are just pushing food around their trays.

Arnold Palmer takes a sip of his drink and leans back, deciding to fill the silence with a story.

Arnold Palmer: You know, back in the day I played some tournaments out in the Midwest during a real bad drought one summer. Showed up to these courses and the grass was just… dead. Brown, patchy, looked like somebody took a blowtorch to it. But we still had to play. No choice. Greens were hard as concrete, fairways were dirt. We just adapted and got through it.

He chuckles lightly.

Arnold Palmer: Hell, imagine trying to wrestle without a ring. That’d be something.

The table goes quiet for a second.

Jim Ross: (calmly) It’s been done before.

Everyone looks at him.

Jim Ross: Back in the territories, especially down in Memphis and parts of Texas, there were times the ring truck broke down or just flat out didn’t make it. They’d end up doing street fights or parking lot brawls instead. Jerry Lawler used to talk about working matches in parking lots with nothing but a couple of ropes and some hay bales when they had to.

Cowboy Watts had been staring down at the table, half-listening. But something in what JR said makes him sit up straighter. His eyes narrow slightly as an idea starts forming.

Cowboy Watts: (slowly) …We don’t need a ring.

The table turns to look at him.

Jim Ross: (raising an eyebrow) Come again?

Cowboy Watts: (getting more animated) We don’t need a fuckin’ ring. Not tonight. We got five thousand people coming. We can do this old school. Street fight style. Parking lot brawls. Hell, we can even do some of it inside the building if we have to. We don’t gotta wait on some jackass who can’t get a ring here on time.

Joan Rivers: (blinking) You’re serious?

Cowboy Watts: (nodding, warming up to the idea) Dead serious. We adapt. We’ve done worse with less. If the ring ain’t showing up, then we work without one. Make it part of the show. Tell the people the ring truck broke down and we’re doing this the old way.

He looks around at the group, clearly feeling like he just had a breakthrough.

Joan Rivers: If we’re running without a ring tonight, we need a clean reason for it. We tell the fans Sterling crashed with the ring weeks ago — during the same wreck that put him in the hospital. That’s why it’s not here.

Jim Ross: (nodding) That works. It protects his current condition and gives us a believable story.

Sarah Palin: And it actually helps the opening. Taylor’s coming out first in that white jumpsuit with “DRIVE ME STERLING” on her ass. If we lean into the story that he crashed with the ring, her segment is gonna hit harder. She can play it up — wish him well, do the whole “hope you like it, Sterling” thing while shaking her ass. It’ll pop even more now that we’ve got a reason tied to it.

Joan Rivers: Exactly. Instead of just looking like we couldn’t get our shit together, we make it part of the story. Taylor comes out, does her thing, and now it feels like she’s addressing something real instead of just doing a horny tribute.

Bill Parcells: It’s simple. We go out there and say Sterling had the ring with him when he went down weeks ago. That’s why there’s no ring tonight. Then we move on with the rest of the show.

Cowboy Watts: (thinking it over) So we lie and say he crashed with it weeks ago… and we use that to make Taylor’s opening hit harder.

Jim Ross: That’s the move. It’s the cleanest way to explain it without breaking what we’ve already established with Sterling being in the hospital.

Cowboy Watts: (nodding) Alright. That’s what we’re doing. We’re telling the fans Sterling crashed with the ring weeks ago. Taylor opens with it, we lean into the sympathy, and we run the rest of the show without a ring.

He looks around the table.

Cowboy Watts: Anybody got a problem with that?

Nobody pushes back.

Scene: Wendy’s – Across the street from Gas South Arena

The group is still sitting in the booth. They’ve decided on the new direction for the show. Cowboy looks around the table.

Cowboy Watts: Alright. One last time. Let’s run through it clean so everybody’s on the same page.

He looks down at the booking sheet.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 1 — Taylor opens in the white latex jumpsuit with “DRIVE ME STERLING” on her ass. She does the whole bit — shaking her ass, mouthing “Hope you like it, Sterling” to the camera. We’re leaning into the story that he crashed with the ring weeks ago, so this should hit harder now.

Jim Ross: Yeah. She can play it like she’s wishing him well and acknowledging what happened. It gives it more weight.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 2 — Kristen comes out, does the sympathy bit, tells Taylor that Sterling needs to die and that he’s going to The Bad Place. They brawl off, no finish.

Joan Rivers: That’s still good heat. Keep it nasty.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 3 — Mariska comes out, cameras go straight down her chest while she’s all oiled up. She makes Taylor vs Kristen official for next week.

Sarah Palin: That part stays the same. It’s already nasty enough.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 4 — Emma and Hilary backstage. They shoot off their real personalities, back-handed compliments, it turns into a challenge. We’re still using this to slowly turn Hilary.

Bill Parcells: Keep it respectful but with some edge. Emma should come out of it looking strong.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 5 — Mila vs Laura. Mila does the fake-friendly shit, beats the piss out of her, rips her pants off, shows the granny panties. Commentators go in hard on how nasty it is.

Joan Rivers: That one’s staying mean as hell. Good.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 6 — Florence’s promo, then the cheese bit backstage. Keep her sweet and a little ditzy.

Jim Ross: Yeah. We want the crowd to like her before she gets jumped.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 7 — JoJo video. Play it mostly straight. Some people will buy the sympathy, some won’t. Either way, it keeps her name out there.

Cowboy Watts: Segment 8 — Main event. Emma vs Hilary. They try to have a real technical match but it’s gonna be stiff and awkward. Emma goes over clean. They hug after like it’s a workrate moment. Then they close the show plugging Taylor vs Kristen for next week.

He looks around the table one last time.

Cowboy Watts: That’s the show. We’re running without a ring, we’re telling the fans Sterling crashed with it weeks ago, and we’re moving forward. Any last changes?

The table stays quiet for a few seconds.

Jim Ross: It’s not perfect, but it’s the best we can do with what we’ve got.

Cowboy Watts: (nodding) Then that’s what we’re doing. Let’s get back to the building.

The group is still sitting in the booth after finalizing the new direction for the show. Cowboy Watts looks around at the four agents — Tony Soprano, Sarah Palin, Joan Rivers, and Bill Parcells.

Cowboy Watts: (firm, no-nonsense) Alright, listen up. Since we’re running without a ring tonight, you four are gonna have to work with your talent on the fly in your segments. I need you thinking outside the box. We’re not gonna have the usual structure, so you’re gonna have to adjust as you go.

He leans forward slightly, his tone getting a little harder.

Cowboy Watts: But let me be clear — this ain’t an excuse to call it in. I’m cutting you some slack because of the situation, but I still expect you to work with what you got. Don’t half-ass it just because we’re missing the ring. Save the deep, heavy stuff for the main event and Taylor’s opening segment. Everything else, just keep it moving and make it work.

The agents nod, listening closely.

Cowboy Watts: I’m splitting you up into pairs. Here’s how it’s gonna go:

He looks at Tony Soprano and Joan Rivers.

Cowboy Watts: Tony, Joan — you two are handling Mila vs Laura and the Florence Pugh segment. Keep Mila’s beatdown nasty, and make sure Florence’s promo and the cheese bit land. Keep it simple but effective.

He then looks at Sarah Palin and Bill Parcells.

Cowboy Watts: Sarah, Bill — you’ve got the Emma and Hilary backstage segment and the main event. The main event is one of the ones I want you to actually put some work into. Everything else, just make it work with what we’ve got.

He sits back and takes a sip of his coffee.

Cowboy Watts: Any questions?

The table stays quiet for a moment. Nobody pushes back.

Cowboy Watts: Good. Then let’s get back to the building and make this shit work.

The group piles into a couple of vehicles. Arnold Palmer ends up driving one of the vans back to the arena with Cowboy Watts, Jim Ross, and a couple of the agents. The ride is mostly quiet — everyone is tired and mentally preparing for what’s about to be a very long, very messy day.

When they pull up to Gas South Arena, most of the group heads inside through the loading dock. Cowboy and Jim Ross hang back near the entrance.

Arnold Palmer: (as he’s getting out) I’ll go see if anybody from the building finally showed up with some answers.

He walks off, leaving just Cowboy and Jim Ross standing near the popcorn stands inside the concourse. It’s mostly empty this early — just a few crew members moving around in the distance.

Cowboy lights a cigarette even though they’re inside and takes a long drag. JR stands beside him, hands in his pockets, watching him quietly for a moment before speaking.

Jim Ross: You holding up alright?

Cowboy Watts: (exhaling smoke) I’ve had better mornings.

He stares out at the mostly empty arena floor in the distance.

Cowboy Watts: We’re running a show with no ring, half the crew showed up late or not at all, Tony’s been off doing God knows what, and now we’re lying to the fans about Sterling crashing with the ring weeks ago just to cover our asses. This ain’t how I wanted this day to go.

Jim Ross: (calmly) It’s not ideal. But we’ve worked through worse. You’ve worked through worse.

Cowboy Watts: (grunting) Yeah, well… I’m getting too old for this kind of shitshow. I used to be able to put a show together with half the problems we got right now and still make it look like we knew what we were doing.

He takes another drag and shakes his head.

Cowboy Watts: I just hope we can get through tonight without everything falling apart in front of five thousand people.

Jim Ross: We will. We always do. One way or another.

Cowboy doesn’t answer right away. He just stands there smoking, staring out at the arena like he’s already bracing for whatever’s coming next.

Cowboy Watts and Jim Ross are still standing near the popcorn stands, away from the growing noise of the crew inside. Cowboy takes another drag off his cigarette and exhales slowly before speaking.

Cowboy Watts: Be honest with me, JR. What do you really think about tonight?

Jim Ross: (after a moment) I think it’s gonna be messy. But I also think we can make it work. We’ve got enough pieces in place that if we hit the important parts, the rest can just be functional. It won’t be pretty, but it doesn’t have to be a total disaster.

Cowboy Watts: (nodding slightly) Yeah… that’s about where I’m at too. I’m not expecting a classic. I just don’t want us looking like complete amateurs in front of five thousand people.

He flicks some ash onto the floor.

Cowboy Watts: Speaking of amateurs… what do you think Tony’s been up to all morning?

Jim Ross: (sighing) I don’t know. But whatever it was, it wasn’t good. Wendy showing up with a black eye and a bruise on her face like that… and him saying he “dealt with it”? That’s not nothing. I’ve got a bad feeling about it, but right now I’m more focused on getting through the show.

Cowboy Watts: (quietly) Yeah. Me too.

He leans against the wall and looks out toward the arena floor.

Cowboy Watts: Truth is, I don’t give a damn where we put the Mila match. She can beat the shit out of that girl in the concourse for all I care. But the main event? That one matters. Emma and Hilary need to have a real match tonight. Right in the center of the building. Ring or no ring.

Jim Ross: (listening) You want it to feel traditional?

Cowboy Watts: Yeah. The original plan was to have it be “pure.” Two women trying to wrestle. No bullshit. Well… how much more pure can it get than doing it with no ring at all? Just them, in the middle of the floor, with nothing but space and whatever they bring to it. That’s as old school as it gets.

He takes another drag and shakes his head.

Cowboy Watts: I don’t care if it looks weird. I want that match to feel like it means something. The opening with Taylor and the main event are the only two segments I actually give a shit about tonight. Everything else can be whatever it needs to be. But those two? We need to make sure they hit.

Jim Ross: (nodding) I agree. If we get Taylor’s opening and the main event right, the rest of the show can survive being a little rough around the edges.

Cowboy Watts: (quietly) Then that’s what we focus on. The rest of it… we’ll just have to make it work.

He stares out at the empty floor for a few more seconds before speaking again.

Cowboy Watts: Let’s get back in there. We’ve got work to do.